Live and Let Live
As these blogs have suggested, I've been trying to do a little bit of growing up lately. Some of it pertains to healthy habits and enhancements I can make in my life to maintain some amount of stability, routine, and mental health (less Netflix, healthier meals, etc). The rest of this "growing" pertains to how I can figure out ways to treat others with more kindness, patience, and tolerance than I did the day before. Sometimes I feel like I've figured something out for myself, and once I've nailed down that belief, I do what any self respecting Millennial does, and I tell the Internet about it.
So I think we can all agree (I hope?) that the end game of life is to constantly improve ourselves to be better human beings and be more productive members of society. So here lately I've been spending a more time than I used to spend working things out in my head and in my life so that I can do just that. I've come to this conclusion: <em>we all have so much to work on, and so many things to grow through, that we should probably spend less time telling other people how they should be living their lives, and focus more on how to live our own lives.
It's likely that there are others that don't agree with me here, and that's definitely okay. We were all put on this planet with different shapes, sizes, colors, beliefs, interests, for a reason. Actually, for many reasons, I think. What kind of world would we live in if we all looked the same and thought the same? Well, boring, for one. But we also wouldn't have some of the most wonderful, beautiful things in life. Also, hey, Hitler wanted everyone to be exactly the same so...
Anyway, if we all thought the same way, we wouldn't have the variety in life that we are so fortunate to have. It's probably cheesy and cliché to compare art and science, but hey I'm going to do it anyway. We wouldn't have both scientific/analytical-type people and imaginative/creative artist-type people in the world if everyone had the same beliefs, values, and interests. I dare you to look me in the eye and say that you know an artist, writer, or musician with the exact same personality, interests, and values as another person you know who is a scientist, engineer, or accountant.
I believe that a lot people turn out the way they do in their adult lives because of their experiences in life as they're growing up, as well as the people they surround themselves with. We don't all have the same life experiences, we don't all have the same genetic makeup, we don't all have the same personality traits, we don't all mesh with the same people, and that's okay! Heck, it's SO MUCH BETTER THAT WAY!
Enough of that. Sorry, I've had a lot of coffee today. But my point here is this: I sat back recently and realized that I've spent a lot of time, expended a lot of energy, and occasionally even sacrificed pieces of relationships over the years all in efforts to try to convince other people that they are doing or thinking incorrectly.
How HILARIOUS is that? Why did I care so much about how other people spend their time? Even worse, why did I care so much how they perceived certain things? It's really just funny to me that I've wasted tons of nonrenewable resources in this amount of time - time I won't get back, energy that could've been better spent elsewhere, friendships I so did not have to damage... all in efforts to do what, exactly? Change someone's mind? Make them do something differently? What was my point there?
I'm seriously laughing right now. It seems so clear to me now. We've all been told a billion times (or at least I have) that we can't "fix" or "change" other people.
Hey.... that's true.
The only thing we can "fix" or "change" is ourselves, or the way we look at certain situations. And often, that's the thing I spent the least amount of time trying to fix or change! The one thing I have the capability of doing something about was the thing I avoided most at all costs. And then I'd sit back and look at my life and say, "Hey why aren't things going the way I want them to?" WOW that's funny.
I have worked myself into fits over trying to make everyone happy and make them like me. I have stressed myself out to the point of nausea about having different beliefs than someone else. It's really crazy. And sometimes you just step out of your life for a second and it all makes sense.
In case I need to come back to this down the road and remember this again, here we go: Dear Sophie: You can't change other people. You can't change the way they think, the way they act, or the way they give and feel love.
The only person I can change is me. The only person that NEEDS changing is me. "Different" most certainly does not mean "wrong." If someone feels differently about something, I should instead listen to them and learn from them. I shouldn't judge them. I shouldn't try to "fix" or "change" them. Namely because this person is not broken and does not need my help. If I truly believe something or someone is incredibly wrong and needs help, the ONLY thing I can do is lead by example. Show love and kindness. No argument was ever truly "won" by force.
The people that have truly changed me and made me into the person I am have done so by being wonderful people living honest lives. Not by saying "HEY SOPHIE, YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT THAT THING." I'd get myself into an uncomfortable situation or find myself making my life harder on myself, and I'd think to myself, what is it about so-and-so that makes him or her so likeable? How do they handle situations like these and come out of them respected?
Seriously if I were to sit around and think about people who have influenced me in life, they never did so with their words. They did so with their actions. Not even actions toward me! How I watch them treat others, especially how they treat people I knew they didn't get along with, that is how they changed me. Not with their posts on Facebook. Not with judgmental words toward me or anyone else. But because they live their lives in such an admirable way.
I guess that's my point here. I've decided I'll just live and let live. It's absolutely the most cheesy cliché thing to say, but that doesn't make it any less important. Living my life the best way I know how, and constantly and consistently working on myself to become the new and improved version should be my concern way before fixing others. Maybe others will be more likely to respond in the way I want them to when I treat them like I would want to be treated.
