My First Memory of Work Ethic

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what makes people who they are. “You’re a product of your environment,” and all that jazz. For me, I can trace most of my current responses and reactions to situations today all the way back to when I was a kid. I’ve been challenging myself with questions like, “Why did I just react that way?” Or, “Have I always been/thought like this?” Because, quite frankly, I’ve never really been satisfied with doing something because “that’s the way it’s always been done.” I’m growing and changing, and I think who I am as a person needs to keep up with that growth and change.

All of that being said, the other day I was thinking about my first memories of work – or rather, what felt like work to me at the time. Because, ya know, child labor laws. That prompted the question, “What was my first memory of learning that it takes work to be truly good at something?” There was one particular instance that came to mind.

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As a kid, it took me awhile to find something I was “good at.” I mean, I always knew I could sing, and that has definitely proven to be the thing I’m “best” at, but as a kid, I wanted to be good at something athletic, like a lot of my friends were. I wasn’t really friends with other singers, but I was friends with soccer players, basketball players, dancers, cross country runners, and more. As the very competitive kid I was (and still might be…), I wanted to find something new to be good at.

I tried just about everything. I played soccer for years, took tennis lessons, played on a volleyball team, a basketball team, took gymnastics for years, took a ballet class, a tap dancing class, a hip-hop class (yes, really) and yet…. nothing really stuck.

So, in eighth grade, I decided I’d try just one more type of dance class before I threw in the towel. Jazz.

I remember it very clearly. We started learning our dance – THE dance for our recital in May. We were dancing to West Side Story’s “Cool.” Our teacher announced that we were planning to do placements the following week for our recital. Where you were placed onstage and how visible you were to your friends and family in the audience, was entirely based on how much of the routine you remembered and how well (and often) you practiced what you had learned.

As a little bit of context… There were a lot of girls in my class who had been dancing since they were teeny tiny kiddos (I know that for a fact, because I was right there dancing with them – I was just not nearly as talented), and I pretty much knew I was a lower-tier performer up against them all. But, in my defense, dance class was all they did. They had dance classes three or four nights a week. I did it once or twice, and had my voice lessons, too.

Either way, I didn’t do so well with being lower-tier (I know, I’m still working on it). So, after we learned our routine, I went home and immediately started rehearsing it in my dad’s home office, trying to get my muscle memory to work with me. Playing “Cool” from our family computer on loop. For entirely too long, I’m sure. Sorry, family. Sorry, neighbors.

I finally felt like I’d had enough, Mom called me for dinner, and I slept on my knowledge. The next day, I got home from school and invited my best friend over to help me practice. She had a much better memory with those kinds of things than I did. So, I brought out my little handheld camcorder, put it on a shelf, and we danced it out together. Over. And. Over.

As the week progressed, I kept watching the video, singing and dancing along, messing it up time and time again, each time in different parts of the song. But, I was finally getting close to tying it all together.

Finally later on in the week, I felt confident that I’d go into my next jazz class and stack up against the other girls as an equal, rather than lower-tier. As luck would have it, I was the only one who seemed to have put in that much work to remember the routine. I was just about the only one dancing confidently for the entire song. Where a lot of kids would be mortified in that situation, I felt an unreal amount of pride.

Our routine was performed in a sort of “V” shape, like how you see birds fly south for the winter (I’m guessing that’s what they’re doing when they fly in a “V” shape); one girl in front with the rest of the girls fanning off to the right and left. And guess who was deemed worthy of being the one girl in front. 🙂

I remember leaving jazz class that day thinking that it was incredibly interesting that even though I wasn’t the “teacher’s favorite,” or the “most talented,” I still got the front-and-center placement for the routine. I realized that I worked hard, and it actually paid off.

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I really love taking a walk down memory lane and remembering specific instances that shaped my adulthood. I’m really thankful for the teacher at my dance studio who rewarded hard work. It certainly doesn’t always work that way – either as a kid or as an adult. You don’t always get rewarded instantly for being the one who works the hardest. In fact, I feel like it’s pretty rare that it actually works out that way.

In the long run, we do get our reward. It may not be the reward we’re looking for, the reward we want right away, or the reward we’re crossing our fingers for. But, we gain the rewards of good experience, patience, dedication, and self-confidence. Those things are more important to your character development than being center stage, anyway.

As my mom always reminded me, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

 

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3 Hard Lessons I Learned Becoming an “Adult”

Growing up is tough. You start to make tough financial decisions, you get in sticky situations with your personal relationships, and eventually you even begin to encounter hairy work-related issues, and *swallows* taxes.

So, in the event that I ever forget some of the lessons I’ve already learned before I hit the ripe, old age of 24 in the coming months, I’ve compiled what I hope to be a very helpful list of hard lessons learned. I’m only giving the first three today because I feel like each of these deserves a little explanation.

1. You Can’t “Fix” or “Change” People

Now. We’ve all had someone “older and wiser” tell us that people can’t be “fixed” or “changed.” But, often we choose to believe that our situation is different. This person is different. I’m different. But this rule is the same regardless of the situation. People don’t change unless they choose to change, period.

This doesn’t apply to romantic relationships exclusively, at all. This applies to work-related relationships, friendships, family. Save yourself a lot of heartache. Instead of spending a ton of time and energy explaining what you want of the other person, spend that time and energy listening to them and adjusting your responses. Only you are in control of your emotional responses. Sure, you can say, “John made me upset,” all day long. But, “John” is not in control of your emotional reactions. Only you are. There’s an inner peace that can be found by simply saying, “That’s just how John is,” instead of blowing a fuse on John and trying to force him to change his ways.

2. You Really Do “Get Out of It What You Put Into It”

Again… Another cliché thing our grandmas said when we whined about going to piano lessons. But, this applies to most things in life. Even if you initially don’t have any interest in the thing, or the thing is inconvenient, or you’re dealing with some pride issues relating to the thing… you’ll typically begin to enjoy it once you’re investing in it.

The main reason a lot of people lose interest in things is because they’re not very good at them and aren’t willing to put in the time and effort it takes to become good at those things.

For example, I’ve been doing a lot of rock climbing over the past few months. I, of course, started out pretty terrible. I was climbing the easiest routes in the gym, getting sore EVERY time, and getting a lot of bruises. I naturally tend to get overwhelmed by my pride when I’m not initially good at something, and my enthusiasm for it ends up fizzling out (ehhhh, deep-seated issues? Yes!). Fortunately, I have a boyfriend fiancé, who forces encourages me to try and try again until I see the results I want.

And WHAT DO YOU KNOW, I’ve gotten a lot better, a lot stronger, and a lot more interested in rock climbing because I kept up with it. (Thanks, Tim.)

Yes, of course this works with honing new skills, but it works with relationships, too. If you find yourself *not* surrounded by the friends you once had, or if you feel like one relationship or friendship is lackluster from what it used to be… it’s probably because you’re not trying as hard to keep it going.

It’s SO easy to be friends in easy times. But when we’re busiest, most pressed for time, least equipped to be someone’s friend… that’s when we need to work hardest at cultivating our relationships. We truly think of every excuse in the book to zone out and watch 5 hours of Parks and Rec and not talk to anyone once we get home from work (or at least… that’s what I tend to find myself doing). But I never regret catching up with a friend.

3. Your Brain Doesn’t Always Work the Same Way as Others’ Brains

Now, is this poorly phrased? Yes. Is it hard to understand what I’m saying because it’s not a real sentence? Also, yes. BUT that doesn’t make it any less true. In my sales classes, therapy sessions, and one-on-one relationships with people, I’ve learned that my brain functions entirely different from most others’ in my life.

I have similar interests, similar values, and similar senses of humor to the people I’ve cultivated relationships with, sure. But the biggest difference here is our problem-solving techniques, our sources of insecurities, our methods of “recharging”… the list goes on.

For example, I’ve learned that I tend to rely heavily on the emotional and social side of life to give me the most enjoyment. Everything I do revolves around emotion and relationships. When I solve problems or make a decision, I’m thinking of how so-and-so might react, how it might affect our relationship if I behave a certain way, and how I’ll feel during all/some/part of the interaction. You can best describe my problem solving as having a “gut feeling,” and I’ve got to admit… it typically works pretty well. When I feel insecure, it’s usually because I’m interpreting how others are looking at me, how that affects our relationships, and how it makes me feel. When I want to “recharge” at the end of a long day, I want either a good cry, a good laugh, a long life chat, or a big plate of Mexican food.

Okay, the last part has nothing to do with the way my brain works, but it’s true.

Example number two. My closest friend relies heavily on logic and facts. When he solves problems or makes decisions, he thinks of the logic behind how something works, and the most accurate facts that pertain to the situation. He does substantial research to know more about any particular subject in order to solve the problem or lead him to making the best decision. When (or IF…) he feels insecure, it’s normally because his intelligence is being insulted, or if someone is doubting his competency in something. When he wants to “recharge” at the end of the day, he usually prefers physical activities during which he can improve his skill level – rock climbing, disc golfing, weights, what have you.

We are such different people when it comes to the way our brains work, so I have to remind myself that logic and facts are what make the most sense to him, and he has to remember that my emotions and relationships affect a lot of my decisions.

Associating yourself with personalities different from yours will expand your communication skills, challenge you to excel in things you wouldn’t have thought of on your own, and give you a new perspective on things… overall become a more well-rounded human being.

Isn’t that what we’re all out to do anyway?

 

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Live and Let Live

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Healthy Body, Healthy Mind

 

My Personal Spring Cleaning is about more than eating better and cutting back on the TV, but also about taking time to challenge my mind and my way of thinking. Buckle your seatbelts, because things are about to get really real in this post.

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A Little Context

What’s funny is about a year ago, I had a few very close friends in college who were full-fledged yoga fanatics. They invited me to their apartment to join them watching some amazing YouTube sessions, but I was waaaaaay too cool for it. Just ask them. I really was a bit of a jerk about it.

I thought yoga was for girls who like taking pictures in front of lakes  at sunset doing twisty contorted poses because they like getting affirmation on social media for looking *super cute* in their patterned leggings and expensive sports bras. Now, I knew my friends were not these girls, but… well we all know the type, and it’s worthy of a few eye rolls.

the struggle that led me to a paradigm shift

When I moved away to a very closely knit north Georgian city,  devoid of friendships like the ones I used to cherish (and now I realize I sort of took for granted), I was exhausting my options for creating new friendships.

I knew I could look for friends at the small women’s university I live directly next to, but at the same time, we’re in a totally different phase of life. The ones that I’d have anything in common with will be getting jobs and moving away just like I did.

Being the social creature I am, and seeing one, maybe two people a day,  I reached a point of the closest thing I could relate to “depression.” I lost interest in a lot of things I used to love, and I didn’t really leave my apartment unless I was out of food or I wanted to take myself to a movie. I cried a lot, I ate a lot of order-in Chinese, and I watched hours and hours of Netflix to make the time pass.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my new job, I loved my cozy apartment, I loved the little town I just moved to, but I hardly had any social interaction, and it was really taking a toll on me. (Also I didn’t have my pup yet, who was a HUGE catalyst in the joy I now have in my life.)

So I decided to swallow my pride and join a yoga studio nearby to see if I could find a few gals to have dinner with every once in awhile.

my first few classes

My first few yoga classes completely changed my view on yoga. For the hour and fifteen minutes that I went to my yoga class, I forgot about how lonely I was, I forgot about how I hadn’t made a single friend, and I stopped eating so much dad gum Chinese food. I had something to look forward to at the end of my day.

Yes, it was great to be around a room full of people, which filled my social void. But it was also a completely new experience for me to make my mind a clean slate and remember all of the things that I’m so fortunate to have. Also, it was pretty physically demanding, and if you even for one second start to think of something other than what you’re doing, you might just fall right on down.

Truthfully, I let a tear or two fall during my first class. The instructor talked about having gratitude for the smaller blessings in life – the sunset, the trees, the pretty flowers, the breeze blowing through my hair… and on a deeper level, financial stability, food on the table, and people who care about me (even if they were many miles away).

I realized how I never really “stopped to smell the roses,” if we want to be really cliché about it. Appreciating the moment I’m in, rather than making the time pass until I can get to whatever thing I’m looking forward to.

As soon as I became more open to appreciate my surroundings, I started meeting people my age at church, at yoga, through my friends from college or from home who knew people in the area. Things were looking up.

All of that goes to say, yoga was a beginning for me that has created a wonderful way for me to escape the things that get us down from day-to-day. Whatever grime I have built up in my emotional (and physical…) pores from throughout the day gets to be released during my yoga practice.

my photos are more than just affirmation

That’s when I stopped judging yogis. Everybody deserves to feel the type of free-ness that yoga brings. The photos we post are more than *super cute* and ~aRtSy~, they’re milestones. And these photos are another way to find other yoga enthusiasts all over the world who post their journey as well, which challenges you to be better. And for me, they remind me how important it is to stick with it before all of my muscle memory is gone.

Poses like the one in the bottom photo (a variation of natarajasana) take a lot of concentration (at least for a beginner like me) and once you master the stillness it takes to not come falling to the ground like a complete idiot (which I did…. multiple times) is hard to achieve when you’re first starting out.

Looking at the serenity I eventually reached in that photo is more than just a picture whose likes I’ll be counting later, it’s a reminder of how much progress I made in my first couple of months of practicing yoga. It’s motivation. Every time I look at it, I’m immediately transported back to that moment on the lake at sunset when I finally nailed that pose for longer than two and a half seconds.

And I’m proud of that.

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REAL Feel-Good Foods

As you may already know, I’m currently on a Personal Spring Cleaning Challenge – getting rid of the dirt and grime from the past year, and making room for growth and development in the upcoming year. The flowers are bloomin’ and so am I.

All of that to say, I’ve decided to go on a Netflix Diet, which has really helped me maximize my free time, but that’s not all I’m up to with my spring cleaning. I’m also trying to clean up my eating habits. Here’s the thing: if you know anything about me, you know that I’m a Mexican food addict. (I don’t say that lightly, I’ve literally had it for lunch four times this week. If you know any good 7 step programs, please give me a phone number to call.)

I digress.

The biggest change in my eating habits are to only eat feel-good foods. I know by definition – I checked with urban dictionary, don’t worry, my sources are accurate – “feel good foods” are the cheesy, greasy, starchy foods we all love and adore. Well, I’m redefining that in my life. I’ve been eating (within reason – let’s not get crazy here) relatively healthy meals for the past several weeks, but I haven’t been avoiding my favorite go-to fatty, greasy restaurants.

I still make it to the hibachi express; I order chicken, steak, and shrimp with no rice and extra veggies and split it in half and save the rest for lunch the next day – because WE ALL KNOW they give you like 100 meals in one Styrofoam container. (I don’t skip the yum-yum sauce because I don’t HATE MYSELF – fun fact, it’s actually called Yami sauce I learned the other day so imagine how much of an idiot I feel like for calling it ‘yummy’ sauce my whole life, good GRIEF what a fool I am – but to be real, it’s QUITE yummy, so it’s a sensible title, maybe? *cringe*)

I (clearly) still make it to my favorite greasy Mexican food place (if I could understand that moderation is key to this one then that’d be amazing, but I’m not that far yet in my Mexican food spiritual journey). I just order a shredded chicken taco or two and call it a day (also chips and queso because again, I don’t hate myself).

I even have banana pudding at church every once in awhile on Wednesday nights – my favorite dessert. I just have a cup of it. Plus those are the Lord’s calories so they don’t count.

None of this is really in (much) effort to lose weight or look differently, but because good GRIEF I feel so much better and productive in my daily life if I eat more veggies and protein and less starchy fatty things.

The salmon, quinoa, and spinach at the top of this post (it’s a salad plate, folks – my portions aren’t actually that gargantuan, that would defeat the purpose entirely) was a dinner that I cooked myself in like, what, 30 minutes? It was so tasty, made a lot for leftovers (if you cook multiple salmon fillets at once, HEY guess what, more dinners for you later down the line), and when I finished eating it, I didn’t want to sink into my couch and watch 6 hours of Netflix and fall into a food-induced Thanksgiving Day coma. I do believe I was inspired to walk a pup friend that evening instead of watch Netflix.

Here’s the thing, I’m not here to tell ANYBODY how to live their lives. For multiple reasons:

1. I don’t always listen to my own advice (yikes, I know)
2. I’m pretty sure nobody will actually read this (maybe my mom will – hey, mom!)
3. I’m the kind of girl who’s 30 minutes late to the thing she has to be at and is putting on her eyeliner on an on-ramp into Atlanta traffic so clearly I don’t know what I’m doing with my life at all (sorry you had to read that, mom….)

But what I will say is this: I am a much happier and positive person with less grease in my food, I am much more inspired to exercise (haha, not that I actually am exercising, because I’m not. But the inspiration is there, so that’s a start?), I’m not sluggish at work, I sleep better at night…. I’m thinking I might be onto something here.

If I lose ALL other forms of motivation, I can at least be inspired by the happy pup below who recognized his surroundings and realized we were on the way to the dog park and almost lost his lentils with pure joy and excitement…

Take a gander at this precious boy:
WARNING: You will have to endure my aggravating baby talk if you watch this video of my precious pup, but I think he’s cute enough to be worth it. Maybe? Let me know.

Love the life you live and eat the foods you love, but do so in moderation – you’ll love yourself for it!

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Personal Spring Cleaning: My Netflix Diet

 

I’m (finally) starting to see the value in cutting out things from your life that take up time that is better spent elsewhere. I’ve started trying a few new things in my life as of late, and I’m considering this spring, my Personal Spring Cleaning. Time to get rid of all of the dirt and grime created by the first quarter of the year, and bring in some new, fresh, positive habits that will hopefully stick for the rest of the year and not become as out-of-fashion as my New Year’s Resolution…. Which I can’t even remember what that is. Oops.

Today’s blog is more or less to hold me accountable to one of the more challenging of my Spring Cleaning items: My Netflix Diet.

MY NETFLIX DIET

Yes, Netflix. I realize how much of my time to myself is spent in front of the television screen. Whether I binge watch a new series for hours, binge re-watching an old favorite series for hours, or channel surf watching just about nothing for hours on end – I’m wasting my own time. I’ve gotten to the end of the day, 10:30 or 11:00PM hits and I realize I’ve done nothing, and suddenly it’s time to go to bed and start over.

Why not make my time to myself count for something? I always complain about not having enough time to read, to get enough sleep, to cook myself a nice dinner, to exercise, to journal (or blog?)… the list goes on. But evidently I do have time to waste hours and hours watching Netflix. In case I need to remember what I need to do, here’s a brief list of things to do that aren’t watching Netflix.

1. Read a book
2. Go on a walk
3. Take the pup to the dog park
4. Start a blog
5. Plant something
6. Call or FaceTime an old friend and catch up
7. Cook a nice meal
8. Research recipes to learn how to cook a nice meal…
9. Laundry – hate to say it, but I feel like there’s always laundry to be done.
10. Feel proud of my living space and tidy up a little bit
11. Sit on the porch and just be.
12. Go for a bike ride
13. Shoot a breeze with the neighbor
14. Visit a new-to-me local business
15. Research ways to make my living room more home-y
16. Clean out my closet – dear Lord. Do I need to do this or WHAT
17. Visit a local park and sit by the lake
18. Try to write a book
19. Find a new “favorite band” – as if anyone would ever take the place of John Mayer, lol, but still.
20. Actually develop a written out budget

There are seriously so many more things I could do that would be more productive than letting my brain rot into the television screen. That being said – I’ve got my shows that I have to keep up with, and quitting cold turkey is just plain hard. So instead, I’ll use my one hour to watch 2 mind-numbing episodes of The Office or Parks and Recreation (or any show that’s ~30 minutes), or use my one hour to watch The Walking Dead or 13 Reasons Why, Grey’s Anatomy (or any show that’s ~1 hour).

Thus far, I’m on day 2 of my Netflix cut-back Spring Cleaning, and I’ve already done numbers 3, 4, 5, 9,  10, 11, 14, 18, and 19. I mean really. All of those things took the place of hours of Netflix. The things we waste our time on.

Either way, for those of you who are reading this, if anyone ever reads this, on Day 2 of my Netflix Diet, I will 10/10 recommend replacing hours of Netflix with something slightly more productive.

Also, life hack: I absolutely slept better last night than I have in a long time. It’s too soon to say if it’s because I’m cutting back from Netflix, but it’s possible. Anything is worth a good night’s sleep. I’ll keep you posted.

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